Something something postal survey

[alasse_irena]

I met a very lovely straight cis boy on a tram when I was going home in the middle of last night, who during our conversation asked me in a very gentle and not at all pushy way whether I'd be willing to tell him about how the postal survey and all the bullshit surrounding it affected me as a queer person, and I was a little bit drunk and it was 2am so I was quite ready to talk about it. And when I did he listened very well and he was openminded and supportive and we had a good talk about the ways that things that were viewed as private and personal when he did them with his girlfriend were public and political for me. And then he thanked me for giving him a small insight into something that he sympathised with but couldn't have a personal perspective on, and it was just a weirdly pleasant and constructive experience for something a stranger on public transport said because he saw you kiss your girlfriend goodbye.

In other news, at a family event a month or so ago, my sister and my girlfriend and I had a long argument with one of my uncles about why it was worth his time to vote in the marriage equality survey, and why if he did vote, a yes vote is the only reasonable vote there is. And then yesterday his daughter messaged my sister a photo of her dad's form with the YES box ticked, like "Good job, glad your effort wasn't wasted!" And I am happy about this because my mother's family is a big messy Irish Catholic family, and even though they're all generally pretty tolerant and getting more so over time, there's some of that residual "but marriage is a man/woman/children/god thing" with some of them, and I am glad that it's slowly wearing off in the face of having queer family.

So the whole situation is bullshit, but hey, there are some random people who I didn't really expect to be on my side but are.

Comments

[dolorosa_12]

Thank you for sharing these two anecdotes. They give me hope.

I hope you're holding up during the survey. It's bad enough watching from afar, and I can't imagine how awful it must be to have it there in the background all the time.

[alasse_irena]

I honestly thought,"look, I'm fairly resilient and happy with my queerness, so I'll be fine," but it's just been So Frustrating all the time. Like generally progressive acquaintances keeping sharing those "I'm not a homophobe, but here's why I voted no" articles on Facebook and I'm always looking at them like, "Is this representative of your views? If you're voting yes and you just posted this because you thought it was interesting how they tie themselves in knots to explain how it's not homophobic, please say something?? I need to know for next time I see you." And I never have the self control not to click and see what's in the article.
I was listening to JOY in the car the other day, which is the local queer radio station, and they played the clip of SSM being passed in New Zealand a few years ago, and I got all teary about it, and I sort of thought, "Oh, okay, I guess this whole thing is getting to me."

[halfeatenmoon]

Yeah, it's a strange time. I'm finding it hard feeling exposed to situations like your tram one every time I go out in public. The rest of the debate doesn't bother me that much, but it's weird feeling SO much like just existing in public is political now.

I'm glad you had some good experiences, though, and I've definitely had some good things come out of it too.

[alasse_irena]

Yeah, I get that, definitely. I think it was okay partly because we were already chatting, and part he was obviously very aware that he was asking a question that might be emotionally exhausting for me and he was clear that I could opt out and we'd talk about something else. And probably part that I was just very ready to vent to someone who at least had something to learn if I did, rather than the kind of endless cathartic circle jerk that I end up with with my queer friends where we all know how we experience this and we all agree and the only thing we get about when we talk about it is upset and angry, but we talk about it anyway because it's worse *not* to.

And I'm super used to public reactions that range from weird sideways looks to wolf whistles calling out "I voted yes for you two!" to telling us we're brave or it's nice to see that two girls are comfortable holding hands in public, and it's rare that somebody will actually ask me what it's like for me. Like the vast majority of things you get are people wanting you to know how *they* feel about the issue, and he wanted to know about my feelings. Rather than doing the, "You're so brave! I voted yes!" thing and then expecting a pat on the back, which honestly just kind of feels like cat calling for progressives.

So even though I'm generally with you people and their reactions to being queer in public, it was nice to be talked to as a person and not as a trophy of someone's tolerance and progressiveness.

[dhampyresa]

I'm glad those interactions were positive. I hope the whole thing turns out the way it should. *hugs*

[alasse_irena]

Thank you. We don't find out till November the results, and I have my thesis due before then, so I guess I've just got to stick my head in the sand now that I've sent off my vote, and focus on my own responsibilities for a while, and hope it all comes out like it should.

[ayebydan]

This makes me happy.

[alasse_irena]

Your YAAAAAS icon made me smile too.

[tigerweave]

Heeeeyyyyyy I voted yes!!!

Actually I haven't voted at all. Only got the thing in the post today. But it says on the teev that you can ring up for a replacement form if yours doesn't arrive. I was going to do so even though I did finally get the first one, so I could vote twice.

Then I decided that was terribly cynical of me.

But really the only reason I don't is too much phone time to Bureaucracy gives me a headache.

Actually so do acquaintances I thought were Decent People posting I'm not homophobic But memes on fb and me not being sure how I feel about them evermore. Bugger. And I'm not even same sex orientated and I'm struggling with it. sigh.

Maybe I *should* ring up and get another one sent out and vote twice.

[alasse_irena]

Ahaha I like your evil scheme.

Though I think there's a unique barcode on each form and they'll cancel yours if you ring up for a new one. I know my brother was worried about this, because his never arrived, so he rang up for a new one and he was worried that he wouldn't know the difference between the old cancelled one finally finding its way to him, and the new one he'd asked for.

I know, even aside from that it's about me personally, there's just something intensely frustrating about seeing people who don't interact with queer people a lot get confused and caught up in nonsense arguments about the immutable nature of marriage and freedom of speech and so forth.

[tigerweave]

Oooooohhhhhhhh

I had been thinking it was a major flaw in the right wing conservatives' schemes. Or maybe they'd made sure it was there so THEY could vote many times. And I needed to vote many times yes to outnumber them.

Barcodes huh? How ... obvious *laughs at self*

But still, what also gets me? it's not the usual completely silent voting. I don't like that.

I don't like a lot of things about it come to think of it.... eh :-(

[alasse_irena]

Yeah, I had not thought of this at all until my brother was trying to replace his, and then I was like "...Oh yeah, I guess that would be a problem. I'm glad they thought of it before I did."

[alasse_irena]

P.S. Thanks for voting yes. =P It does make a difference.

[tigerweave]

No worries :-) tbh it is unthinkable in me to vote any other way.